When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
