I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
