The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
