currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
