Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
