Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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