so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
