Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
