Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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