my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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