so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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