I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
