We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The uberlube is also flammable
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
