Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
