My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
