So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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