I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
