Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
