your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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