so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
