If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
