Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
