Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
