Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize