there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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