atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize