how can u be prego again
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
