Don't you send me to vm
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
