Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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