you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
tonight lets celebrate not being married
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
