I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
