remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You took a bar mat shot.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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