I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize