she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
