we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
