So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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