btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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