His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
