She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
