seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
