i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
