Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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