so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
