that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
