you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
