just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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