two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
