I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
