Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
