I think im going to throw up on grandma
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
