I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
