since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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