he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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