ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
