allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize