wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
