I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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