when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
