they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Alive.
So much puke
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
