this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
