so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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