The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
