U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
