you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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