After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
