Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
