Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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