insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
