you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize