Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
