do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize