I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
