She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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