I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
