Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
