I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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