Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
