i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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