Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
