found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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