6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
