"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
