Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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