No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
