Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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