Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
