too bad you live with your parents still
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize