I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
