What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
