Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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